“I went through a horrible breakup when I was 33. My heart was broken and I was in a depression. After a friend of mine told me that ‘we are present in every single experience we have, so sooner or later we have to turn the mirror around and look at ourselves,’ I started reading self-help books, thinking of why I was the way I was, and really trying to delve into my own personal growth. I was always quiet, shy, and lacking confidence; I always made myself small.
I decided that I would do everything I wanted to do, even if I was scared. When I walk into a café and I’m too shy to ask to see the menu, I’m going to do it. If I want to smell a flower, I’m going to smell the flower. I went to New York by myself for three days, even though I was nervous to fly. Then I went to Italy for eleven days. Then I went travelling for six months. When I went travelling, my last stop was in Thailand to learn Muay Thai, which is Thai kickboxing.
I ended up moving to Thailand for two and a half years without a job or anything—I jumped into it, and found a job in seven days. I wanted to do a professional Thai kickboxing fight, but then I dislocated my shoulder, and it took me six months to recover. I was going to leave Thailand, but I couldn’t leave without fighting. So I imagined what a professional fighter would do if they wanted to fight and win. I asked a person to help me with weight training and I asked my trainer to help me with kickboxing. My boyfriend at the time had a professional boxer friend who just so happened to come to Thailand. Everything worked out at the same time. I could visualize that I had already won and everything happened the way I visualized it— I won the fight. You have the power to do whatever you want, but you just have to train yourself to think that way. I was not confident my whole life—I made myself small all the time. But the smaller you make yourself, the smaller you’re going to feel, and the smaller people will treat you. Confidence can be trained. Everything can be trained.”